With all the excitement of March Madness, I just got around to watching my tapes of Unan1mous and American Inventor. And not a moment too soon, I guess…since there are new episodes on already. We’ll start with Unan1mous...

From the moment it starts, you know that this is going to be quite a show – after all, the voice over is done by the same person that did the voice over for Paradise Hotel. And if you thought that Paradise Hotel messed with people’s minds, well, they have nothing on this show. So the basic premise is that they’ve locked nine people in a bunker where there are no windows, no clocks, just a strange purple light and no sense of time at all. There’s no outside contact – not even a host to stop by occasionally. Just a creepy voice in the bunker, and a host on a giant video screen (it’s actually J.D. Roth, who has been on lots of bad game shows and is a producer of the show). They’re told when to eat, when to sleep, and when to go to “the inner circle.” And they will be messed with more than any contestants have ever been messed with before.

The “game” itself seems simple – there is a $1.5 million prize, but to win it, the others will have vote to give it to them unanimously. Of course, it’s not that simple. First, if a contestant wants to leave they can. Except that when they leave, the prize money is cut in half. And when they don’t have a unanimous vote, there are “consequences.” All of a sudden, colored folders rise out of the table, and they contain the innermost secrets of the contestants. They are told to select three at random and read them aloud. Whichever secret they decide is the worst, that person will be identified and cast out of the game. Note to contestants – any reality show application that makes you write your innermost secret is probably not a show that you want to be on.

And there are characters on this show. There’s Kelly, the conservative Republican minister (who has forgotten that ministers are supposed to be kind to others). And Jameson, the gay activist. And my personal favorite, Jonathan, the “self-described womanizer” who is faking testicular cancer to try to get people’s votes.

Tonight’s episode started with more psychological games. The contestants decided that being in a mental institution was the worst secret, and Richard was “cast out” of the game. As if that weren’t enough, he has to wear the “outcast” outfit for the rest of his time, and he doesn’t get to go home. Oh no. He still has to stay and be a part of the voting. Now, while it might be in his best interest to vote along with the group (simply to get to go home), he could really mess with the game and vote for someone else just to get back at them.

Is anyone else at this point totally creeped out by the game? With the creepy voice, the creepy lighting, and the creepy redheaded guy, there’s something very odd about this show. I am just shocked that this made it past the best practices guys at the network. These contestants are going to need some serious counseling when it’s all done.

So, it’s time to vote (since the creepy voice told them to), and they have decided to give the money to Steve. They all realized that he deserved it, and voting for Steve gets them all out of the bunker. Of course, we had to know that someone would change their vote – otherwise the show would only be two episodes long. So we knew that someone was changing their vote – I was just surprised that it wasn’t Richard.

So Kelly wants out, and, of course, we won’t find out what happens until next week. At this pace (1-2 shows made out of each day in the bunker), they won’t last more than a week down there. Hopefully the show lasts longer than that…