Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I learned a lot tonight. That’s right – I feel so much smarter from my night of watching American Idol. First, be careful when you take a mouthful. There I was, sitting on my couch, eating my yogurt, when Simon told someone that she sounded like a bag of cats being boiled. And when he meowed, well, yogurt right out the nose.

Next, I learned that even though he shot the sheriff, he did not shoot the deputy. Yes, he did not shoot the deputy. Did you hear him? He did not shoot the deputy. Of course, when he gets home, who knows what the sheriff will do to him.

The producers clearly have a sense of humor. At one point, Ryan says that “the crowd is thinning.” And behind him are all people who could be on the cast of The Biggest Loser. Really. Every single contestant in the shot. To that producer -- way to go.

If you can’t sing, wear a LOT of makeup, and be sure to go to the tanning booth. Repeatedly. Or use words that have to be bleeped out. Or dress up like the statue of liberty. Or wear a crazy hat.

I learned that Simon isn’t going to tone it down this season. Did he really tell that boy to shave his beard and become a female impersonator? Or call the nerdy kid a wasp? Or tell the girl from Ukraine to audition for Fatal Attraction 3?

Not everyone who makes it in front of the judges can sing. If they did, there wouldn’t be much of a show. A “range” of contestants make it to that final stage. See, this is something that I thought everyone knew. Well, everyone except the contestants who make it to the final round.

Sometimes, even if you can’t sing, you will make it through to Hollywood. Why, you may ask? Well, towards the end of the day, Paula & Randy will clearly put someone through just to get back at Simon. And if he can talk to the animals, well, all the better. Wow.

I have learned that not everyone knows if they can sing or not. Me, I know that I am not allowed to sing out of the house. But apparently, not everyone has that ability, and for the wonderful television it makes, I say thank goodness.

I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks. What a great start to the season. If I could watch this every night, I would be a happy happy happy girl. Thank you AI…you made my day.

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